Articles
Is Being Married a Command or a Privilege?
Is Being Married a Command or a Privilege?
By Paul R. Blake
Several years ago, a fellow evangelist asked me this question: “Is Marriage a Command or a Liberty?” Over the past thirty years, some brethren, in their zeal to answer the “race to the courthouse” position, have been describing the God given blessing and institution of marriage as a binding command for all persons. The implications and consequences of this overstatement are that God requires one to be married; consequently, according to this doctrine those who are of marriageable age and still single must be in sin. This is taught in an over-reaction against the erring doctrine that the government is the final word in determining whether or not one is truly married or divorced. God’s word is the final determinant.
I object to the assertion that marriage is a command. One damages his case against the race to the courthouse position by exaggerating the truth. He needs to be careful in asserting that marriage is a command, because he cannot support it scripturally; those who are in error will dismiss the balance of his argument over this hyperbole. The word of God teaches that marriage is a blessing from God, not a commandment. One cannot build a case from scripture that God requires marriage, but he can prove that God advises it in most cases. Otherwise, where is the sin and what is the punishment when one does not marry?
Some mistakenly use “it is better to marry than to burn” from 1Corinthians 7 to prove their point, but that passage is for people who cannot contain themselves. Note the whole passage: “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1Cor. 7:8-9). In this text, Paul counsels the single life for persons under the “present distress,” so indeed there are circumstances in which a person would be making the better choice if he did not marry. The very fact that he can choose under these circumstances to marry or remain single indicates that he is not commanded to marry. Otherwise, he sins when he chooses to remain single.
In addition, the apostle Paul himself chose not to marry. He said: “Do we have no right to eat and drink? Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostles, the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas? Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working?” (1Cor. 9:4-6) Note that Paul said he had a “right” to a wife; by definition it means that he was permitted to choose. If marriage were a command, he would have said instead: “Do we not have the obligation to take along a believing wife?” Notice also that Paul sandwiched the point about marriage in between two other matters of liberty. Choosing whether or not to eat meats and choosing whether or not to accept a salary for preaching, both of which are matters of liberty for the preacher, and both of which under some circumstances may need to be surrendered for a higher purpose.
Older widows are not commanded to marry in 1Timothy 5, but instead are blessed when they devote themselves to good works. May widows choose to marry? Of course; 1Corinthians 7:39-40 states: “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment--and I think I also have the Spirit of God.” He even uses the word “liberty” in this passage implying choice. She can therefore choose to marry, or she may choose to devote herself to lodging strangers, washing the saints' feet, relieving the afflicted, and diligently following every good work (1Tim. 5:10).
The Lord told his disciples, when they were astonished at his stern teaching on divorce and remarriage in Matthew 19, that there were some who would have to make themselves eunuchs for the kingdom's sake. If a man who was involved in an unscriptural divorce before becoming a Christian, he would have to remain single for the rest of his life in order to be a Christian. If he had to literally emasculate himself in order to be in the kingdom, then he needs do it. In other words, there are some circumstances where one may not marry.
There are men and women who as the Lord put it, “are born eunuchs” (Matt. 19:12). They have no sexual interest, cannot procreate, but are godly, devout human beings by themselves. They can teach the lost and teach adult and children's Bible classes; they can wait on the sick and be very involved in the work of the church and in community civic projects. Are they in sin because they choose to remain unmarried? If marriage is a command, then they are obligated to be married, right? Some might reason, “Well they are men and women with reproductive organs; so, whether or not they have no interest, they must get married and try to have children.” And to such a man I would say, “Where is the book, chapter, and verse? And, please give me something more than a passage in which Paul is advising the single life when one is under difficult circumstances.”
Therefore, to say that marriage is a command is saying more than what the scriptures say. It is an overstatement. While the ideal condition for man is to be married (Gen. 2:18), the fact that in four of the above mentioned sets of scriptural circumstances the persons were permitted to choose to remain single without sin means that one is free to choose marriage, but is not required to do so. Where in scripture has God ever given a command and then left it up to man’s own judgment as to whether or not he must obey it? It necessarily follows that choosing to marry belongs in the category of permissive authority and not restrictive authority. We are permitted to marry; we are not required to marry.
If a Christian found himself in a position where the circumstances dictated that it is better to remain single, then by all means he may choose the wise course between the two. To say that one is commanded to marry is an overstatement. It matters not how repugnant an erring brother’s arguments may be on the matter of divorce and remarriage; marriage is a liberty; we are free to choose to marry or not. It is not necessary to overstate the case in order to answer a mistaken position. One must find a way to answer doctrinal excesses without saying more than the scriptures teach.
A Moments Wisdom
--“Surely what a man does when he is in an uncomfortable situation is the best evidence for what sort of man he is.” (C.S. Lewis)
--“When the whole world is running toward a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind.” (C.S. Lewis)
--“Why then, did God give humankind free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.” (C.S. Lewis)
--“One of the most cowardly things ordinary people do is to shut their eyes to the facts.” (C.S. Lewis)
--“There is no neutral ground in the universe. Every square inch, every split second is claimed by God and counter-claimed by Satan.” (C.S. Lewis)
--“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” (C.S. Lewis)
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